Buyer's Remorse

Mike has been driving a Ford Ranger since before we were married. He racked up 250,000 miles. He hasn't had air conditioning in about three years. For those who know him, you can imagine how he, especially, is completely miserable. Secondly, the transmission is shot. When he's driving he has to skip fourth gear because it will get stuck there. He forgot a couple of times and we had to have it towed. To make things even more unpleasant for him, he can barely get the thing in reverse without everyone turning their heads to determine if the truck is actually going to explode. Also, every once in awhile, for no apparent reason, the alarm will go off. Needless to say, it's time.

So, today we set off in search of a new car! We did our research analyzing specs, pricing, and the various features. We narrowed it down to the car we wanted. We planned our strategy ahead of time.

1) We weren't going to test drive the car...at least not in the beginning. We wanted to know what the price was going to be. What would be the point of driving the car if we couldn't agree on a price? We also didn't want to fall in love in the car before the negotiation. We knew what we wanted but didn't want this to be an "emotional" decision. AND when we did test drive the car...it would be by ourselves! No way were we going to have some high pressure sales person riding along with us.

2) We weren't going to buy today. We were going take the first offer to another dealership to see if they could beat that price. Our salesperson might be begging for us to stay but we weren't going to. Sure, we would give them our cell number and if they could come up with something better, they could just give us a call and we would consider it. But they were going to have to work for our money!

3) We were going to demand free financing. Other dealerships offer this...we saw the ads.

4) We had a number set in our minds and we firmly agreed not to go above that point! Non-negotiable.

5) There was no way we were going to get the extended warranty.

So, we pulled into dealership parking lot, looked at each other before getting out of the car and took a deep breath. Suddenly I felt like I was in a Western. We got off our horses with our spurs jingling. Mike spit on the dusty ground and adjusted the hat on his head and the gun on his side. Off in the distance, we noticed the enemy. Dirty and unshaven, he gave us a cold stare, eyeing up his opponent. With bowed legs and our hands near our sides, ready to grab our guns in a split second we walked toward each other.

"Hi, how are you folks doing today? Can I help you with something?" Okay, he was actually this really nice salesperson. Chris was his name. Firm handshake, good eye contact, clean shaven and not dirty at all, as far as I could tell. But no matter how much we liked him, we would not stray from the plan. We told him what we were interested in and he led the way. We were looking over the cars when he asked, "Would you like to take it for a drive?" Mike and I looked at each other. "Yes...sure". So, Mike and I got in the front and Chris hopped in the back. So much for #1 of our strategy. So far, not so good!

As we were driving , Chris pointed out the features. We also learned more about him...not at his urging...at mine. I tend to want to know people so in those moments of silence I thought I would ask him some questions. He was a senior in college, majoring in finance with an emphasis in real estate. He doesn't mind selling cars but it's not his favorite thing to do. He hoped to get into banking following graduation. He did his share of partying in college but was able to maintain a balance that allowed him to be successful in school. When his hair was longer he looked like Will Ferrell and in fact, talks like him, after a few beers. He gets the music they play at the dealership stuck in his head and sometimes finds himself dancing to 80s music. We, in fact, witnessed this for ourselves when he didn't know we were looking. I really liked this guy. I wanted him to earn the commission on this sale. Uh-oh...this wasn't good.

We completed our test drive and went inside. Chris sat us down in a glass cubicle and left to get the specs sheet and pricing information. When he returned he asked, "So, what would it take for you to leave with a car today?" And the negotiation began. We told him what we wanted...the model, the features...but not the price we were considering. We explained that we had no intention of buying today. We would be going to another dealership after we left. He gave us a number. No good...we won't go above THIS number.

Then they bring in the big guns...Greg! He is the stereotypical car salesman...so stereotypical it made me chuckle. Slicked back long hair, tan as can be, with an arrogance you can practically taste! He handed us his business card. His name is Greg "Armani" (can I throw up now?) and had the same last name as ours...and did they try to use that to their advantage!

We continued the back and forth. We threatened to walk a couple of times. We seem so tough, don't we? In actuality we had NO idea what we were doing. They would leave and I would call my sister asking for advice. Mike and I would whisper to each other our questions and concerns about the process but when "Armani" walked in, we feigned confidence. "We must have free financing." "No can do!" "Alrighty then...we'll go ahead and just take the 3.9%"

Four hours and several thousands of dollars later we agreed. Phew! On to the next phase...financing. And we thought the negotiating was over. Of course they had to push the extended warranty. They explained several packages of extended warranties that would make our monthly payment higher than we could ever imagine paying. We were firm...no, no, no, no, no! But they had one more trick up their sleeve. The finance specialist spoke to Armani. He liked us SO much that he decided to "adopt" us since we have the same last name! (Gag me!) So, we were offered the employee rate! N-O! At least we followed one part of our well thought out plan.

Finally, Mike and I walked out the door, satisfied with our purchase, happy that a college student would be earning the commission. We're almost to the car when I turn around and look at our salesman, Chris. Did I just see him blowing the smoke from his gun and putting it back in the holster? Crap!