Ahhhhh...it's so nice to be able to sit down in front of this computer. It would be nice if my computer wrote back to me. A dialog is much more enjoyable but this is the next best thing.

I can't wait until the end of the school year! This past year has been a challenge to say the least. On a daily basis, I get up at 5:30 a.m., get myself and three children ready and out the door by 7:30 a.m. Nathan goes to mom's and I take Grace to school. I work at her school every morning, opening the door for all of the children and cleaning/mopping one of the classrooms. (I'll do anything to save a little money...Well...almost anything.) But my work at the school makes a Montessori tuition a little more affordable. Also to that end, I wash the floors every Friday. I prefer going on Friday nights. That way no one is there...talking to me...interrupting my work. But more importantly, it leaves me alone with my thoughts...helps me work things out internally. And sometimes when I am in a really good mood, I will turn the radio on and up, sing, and pretend the mop is my dance partner. :-) Gosh, I hope no one has ever seen me do that! So, I guess I get something out of this work that I do but I am still sooooooo looking forward to being free!!!!

Another challenge I faced this year was homeschooling Ryan. I truly LOVED homeschooling! The best part was that I was learning things all over again. But between doing lesson plans, grading papers, working 30+ hours a week, and the 7 or so hours a week at Grace's school, the homeschooling was a bit much. I don't know what I would have done without my mom! Mom, if you are reading this, you are truly a Godsend. Unfortunately, I spread myself a little too thin and the homeschooling was not working out. I don't know what it is about me but I tend to do too much...bite off more than I can chew. I am learning...always a work in progress. Ryan has been going to school for the past three/four weeks and he loves it, which is a huge relief to me.

The most wonderful "challenge" this year has been our decision to adopt a child. As some know, Mike and I couldn't have more children, although our dream was to have three or four. But we made our peace with the cards life dealt and moved on. Then this wonderful gift fell into our laps. This is hard for me to say...he was a gift to us but in order to be given this gift, someone else had to lose. I struggle with this and hope that as Nathan grows I can help him to understand how special he is...how his life has purpose and meaning...how much he is loved by all of the people in his life, including those who brought him into the world. As someone who specializes in adoption and understands...or so I think...how adoption can affect an adoptee's life, I hope that I will have the tools to help him form a positive identity. Knowledge can be power...but ignorance can be bliss.

I look back to a few months ago when all of these things were coming together like a gathering storm...the stress of getting up early, taking care of children, homeschooling, adjusting to the addition of a child, work...Now we are swinging to the other end of life's pendulum and thankfully so. But I also see the value of the "struggle" of life. The stars are always in the sky but you can't see them until the dark of night.